the Blog Empire, part One

A small comic made for a course I'm taking, to be continued

I've been blogging almost three years now and feel that my blog has reached it's peak

Statistics is steady but lackluster and the long going trend does notshow of any evident growth, and in order to live a blog (or a economy)need to grow, but how?

My small studio still manage to produce reasonable art, but not to thestandards of a choosy International audience, my blog needs some newfresh ideas to grow..

In order to boost hits, I've tried different themes on my blog. Myefforts in Fashion blogging failed to reach a large audience, my ideasin fashion are to much ahead of our time.
My celebrity blog was also a failure as my knowledge of who's famous isnot really up to par. (I was getting tired of the taste of cardboardmartinis anyway)
My food blog, "Chaos Cooking" was a failure rivaled only Titanic'sfirst travel. To be frank I'm still trying to tidy up the mess in ourkitchen.
In order to make it big in this world I needed to extend, but my ownresources are limited, I needed a new idea. I started to read and itsoon dawned upon me, I needed to start a blog empire, but how?
Lucky for me the local University holds a week long course in empirebuilding! the course is quite extensive and is both theoretical andpractical.
In one lecture we are asked to talk about our personal Impiratorfavorite, mine being Queen Victoria (her sense of fashion is notsurpassed in my opinion)
In one practical workshop we play an extreme version of musical chairs(with just on chair), this will help us to be ruthlessly while usurpingthe throne.
This is also learned in the game "King of the Hill", a good Imperator never quits.
After a hard week of studying we all go our laurel leaves (a must for an up and coming Imperator) . Now how to start an empire?
With an Diploma I know had all I theoretical knowledge on empirebuilding, what I need now was a method of distribution (i.e an Army).Searching online gave me nothing, all the available armies where wayout of my price range.

Sending my monkeys out was unfortunately out of the question, trust me I've tried sending them abroad before.

At lunch I was so filled with my own problems that I hadn't noticed that the Lion was sad

the Lion has always been fascinated by the Chippendales and their way of living.

Chippendales natural habitat is the Norwegian Fiord's, there they live in herds of approximate 15 individuals. As it is almost impossible to survive in the harsh conditions of the Fiord's, the lion decided to bring home a herd of Chippendales, to be able to study them more upclose.
The Chippendales had no problems with their new habitat, they seemed to coop excellently both with the travel and the Sigtuna Steppe.
The lion soon made gigantic leaps forward in our knowledge about Chippendales, one thing she was surprised by was the total lack of aggressive behavior.
The Lion found that the Chippendale DNA differed from humans, the helix has a "bow-tie" look.
The Lion found that the herd was growing, how could that be, until this moment she had only found male specimens. Could some of them be female?
Soon it dawned on the lion. Chippendales have a special liking to holes in the ground, when they found one they get excited and soon....
they jump in, they can spend up to 20 hours in them.
To the lions (and the scientific communities) utmost surprise the Chippendales propagates through asexual cloning. The copy is not a perfect clone the strange DNA might make the Chippendale prone to mutations.
The utter lack of natural enemies (i.e the Gigantic Norwegian squirrel and the Fiord Amazon) and the abundance of holes in the Sigtuna Steppe has resulted in an explosion in the Chippendale population.
The lion had told me about her problems with the growing Chippendale herd. Suddenly it dawns on me, I can solve the lions problem! This is the army I'm been searching for!
But first I had to make an uniform,

Dressed to kill I now hadeverything I needed to start anArmy.

But when I was among the Chippendales I found that they ignored me, they where not impressed at all.

Consulting with the Lion she informed me that Chippendales are picky when choosing their leaders, and that they never listen to anyone without a thong. In order to lead a Chippendale army I had to become one..

This for me was a big step, not only in a fashion sense. In order to muster strength I took a stroll through our picture gallery. As it happened I found me in front of an image of Charles IV. Charles IV he became a Catholic in order to ascend the throne of France. If he could sacrifice his beliefs I can sacrifice my clothes.

An Empire is well worth a Thong..
Back to Top